My heart is heavy because I need to walk away and I know that as I do I leave precious pieces of myself in little drops, like blood, drip dripping down my fingertips. Looking back I feel guilty that maybe they'll leave stains that won't come out and I want to go back and get on my knees to scrub them off. But instead I keep walking, ever so slowly, because that is all I can muster...knowing that this is only making a bigger mess. In the distance I see the tops of Palm trees swaying in the wind, and a sun that is setting on a beach. I want to be there instead of the concrete pavement where I stand today. Looking forward all I see are deep reds and dark blues swirling in between shades of black and gray. There is no landscape. Family is scattered. Friends are missing. I am not whole. There is a gaping hole where I last felt my heart beating. There is pain where there were thoughts. There is anguish where before I had tears. All is miserable. There is so much confusion, the only thing I can do is take one step in front of the other and hope that there will be something below my foot. My fingers are numb. They reach for my lips and feel them swollen, my tongue is hanging, my teeth are loose, my gums are sore, my throat is bleeding, my cheeks are swollen, my eyes are discolored, my hair has fallen out, my scalp is scabbed, my shoulders hard, my muscles stiff, my arms are heavy, my stomach cramps, my pelvis cracked, my uterus is empty, my legs ache, my feet are blistered, my back is bent...